Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Day 94 -- Living the high life
My daughter's colonoscopy and endoscopy went well today. No sign of blockage so another bowel resection won't be necessary. There is a lot of active disease, which they biopsied, and we'll find out the results tomorrow when we see her gastroenterologist. She slept in the hotel room most of this afternoon so I got a lot of grading done. I'm definitely less stressed than I was yesterday. We did some Christmas shopping tonight, and I get to sleep in tomorrow morning......a rare treat indeed. Not even a dog to walk. Living the high life.
Day 93 -- On the road again
I point my car east on I-90, and it just seems to know the way. The trip to Rochester tonight (12 Dec), however, took longer than the normal two-and-a-half hours. Having a daughter w/ Crohn's Disease means you learn very quickly where all the rest stops, convenience stores, and truck stops are along the way. It didn't help that she was preparing for the colonoscopy. All the stress of finals, illness, and Christmas took a toll on me tonight, and I got a little frustrated w/ her. She hates taking the MoviPrep solution to clean her out. I can't blame her....just smelling the powder made me want to vomit, and she was supposed to drink 64 ounces of that stuff. She was supposed to start drinking it while we were en route to Mayo so it had time to work throughout the night. Reasoning was pointless. Begging was futile. Crying was inevitable. We stopped at Target for Miralax. It's the only thing she can tolerate. So by the time we got to the hotel, I was completely worn out. I mean so exhausted that I couldn't even remember driving the last 25 miles. Not good I know. Thank God the car knows the way.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Day 92 -- Never That Simple
Went to Little Swan Lake Winery for some lively music and lovely wine. Beautiful, balmy evening, and that's not the wine talking. Didn't have to bundle up while walking the dog, and I noticed that I wasn't suffering shortness of breath as I have the previous few nights. I had been attributing my breathing difficulty to the lymphoma, but maybe it was just the extreme cold exacerbating my asthma. Could it really be that simple?
My older daughter's health certainly isn't that simple. She's running a low grade fever that could be due to her Crohn's or the flu that's been going around or the wisdom teeth she has coming in. What we do know is if she's running any fever on Tuesday, her Mayo doctor won't allow the endoscopy and colonoscopy. If that happens it could be another two-to-three months before another operating room becomes available. She can't wait any longer. This has to be resolved NOW. The "wait-and-see" approach isn't an option for her.
My older daughter's health certainly isn't that simple. She's running a low grade fever that could be due to her Crohn's or the flu that's been going around or the wisdom teeth she has coming in. What we do know is if she's running any fever on Tuesday, her Mayo doctor won't allow the endoscopy and colonoscopy. If that happens it could be another two-to-three months before another operating room becomes available. She can't wait any longer. This has to be resolved NOW. The "wait-and-see" approach isn't an option for her.
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Day 91 -- Pictures, Calendars, & Shoes
Bill paying is depressing, and I was wallowing in a self-pity-party over all the extra expenses happening this month. It also didn't help that today is the two-year anniversary of Mom's passing. I called Dad b/c I knew he'd being having a tough day. During the last two years, he has made few changes in the house he shared w/ my mother for nearly 60 years. He has put pictures of her in every room of the house that he spends significant time. He's created a collage for the kitchen table so he can eat breakfast w/ her. On the sun porch where he spends most of his time, he has numerous photos of her at various times throughout her life. When dusting, I have to be sure to put them back exactly b/c he has positioned them so he can see her no matter which direction he looks. On the desk is still the December 2009 calendar with Mom's writing of her meetings and appointments. On each day she wrote either an "L" or an "R" to remind her which side of her stomach she needed to giver herself the shot. The letters continue on past her death on 10 December. Just last month at Thanksgiving he finally allowed me to take away her clothes and give them to Goodwill. But one pair of her shoes remain on the back porch, right where she took them off the last time. Each time I sweep and mop there, I move them but put them right back, just like the pictures. The pictures, the calendar, the shoes all stationary reminders that time passes.
I tried not to wallow too long. After all, I have a good job, a warm house, a refrigerator full of food, a loving family, good friends. Somewhere, someone is sleeping under a bridge tonight without any pictures of family or a calendar to mark time or a back porch to put his shoes.
I tried not to wallow too long. After all, I have a good job, a warm house, a refrigerator full of food, a loving family, good friends. Somewhere, someone is sleeping under a bridge tonight without any pictures of family or a calendar to mark time or a back porch to put his shoes.
Day 90 -- Thong in a Bag
Been busy living..... tonight (09 Dec) was my night to volunteer at the youth center. Middle schoolers can come from 7 - 9 and high schoolers from 9 - 11. It was a pizza and apple cider party so we had a lot of kids, but four hours has never gone faster. I get to play ping pong and pool and sing karaoke.....basically I get to act like a kid. Every adult should be volunteering at a youth center.
Before the youth center, I made a Walmart run, and, as I've done for the last 20+ years, I took my cloth bags so I don't have to use their plastic bags. When I got home and unpacked my bags, I discovered one of my thongs at the bottom. This could've been potentially embarrassing if the check-out clerk had pulled them out of the bag thinking that I had shop-lifted them. Fortunately she either didn't see them or didn't see a tag. I use these bags when shopping, but I also put dirty clothes in them when I'm traveling. This dirty thong had been in the bag since Thanksgiving. That's just as embarrassing as the clerk seeing them.
It feels like the lymph node in my neck is smaller. I know that I have less ear pain on that side. Getting those teeth taken care of seems to have helped.
Before the youth center, I made a Walmart run, and, as I've done for the last 20+ years, I took my cloth bags so I don't have to use their plastic bags. When I got home and unpacked my bags, I discovered one of my thongs at the bottom. This could've been potentially embarrassing if the check-out clerk had pulled them out of the bag thinking that I had shop-lifted them. Fortunately she either didn't see them or didn't see a tag. I use these bags when shopping, but I also put dirty clothes in them when I'm traveling. This dirty thong had been in the bag since Thanksgiving. That's just as embarrassing as the clerk seeing them.
It feels like the lymph node in my neck is smaller. I know that I have less ear pain on that side. Getting those teeth taken care of seems to have helped.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Day 89 -- Dental Drama
I've been playing phone tag for the last two days w/ my older daughter's Mayo gastroenterologist who has ordered a colonoscopy and endoscopy for next week. She's in the midst of a terrible flare-up of her Crohn's Disease brought on largely by antibiotics for sinus infections and stress from final exams. One of the tests he wants to run before next week's procedures is a stool sample to check for bacterial infection. She's done this test well over a half dozen times in the last seven-and-a-half years, and each time the tests come back negative. When the nurse told me about this test this afternoon, I knew my daughter was not going to be happy. And I knew I wasn't going to have time to stop by the hospital to pick up the lab kit b/c I had a dental appointment. While waiting in the dentist chair for the left side of my mouth to go numb, I text my daughter to tell her to pick up the kit. Understand, she's completely unaware at this point about having to take this test. When she calls, not texts, I know she's not going to like what I have to say.
Here's the scene, I'm lying in a dental chair, the dental assistant is on my left wielding an air compressor-like device to blow away the bits of old filling that come flying out of my mouth. The dentist is on my right producing an unending array of drills that shriek in a variety of frequencies that fortunately are masked by the air compressor. No frequency, however, is high or loud enough to cover the sound of my cell phone ringing. It's my daughter. I reject the call. She calls again. I quickly tell the dentist what I have to reveal to my daughter. He encourages me to answer. As predicted, she is extremely agitated. I relay the message that she must pick up the stool kit and tell her that I'm in the midst of getting a filling. The line goes dead. The drilling continues. A tear trickles down the side of my face as the dentist apologizes for all the suffering my family and I have had to endure. They couldn't write a scene like this in Hollywood.
On the upside....when the dentist was numbing my lower left jaw, I felt twinges of pain in my left ear. When I told him this, he said some nerves are connected. Maybe it's not an ear infection or the lymphoma that has been causing the achiness on the left side of my neck. Maybe it was the cavity and broken tooth. Supposedly our teeth can be the root (yes, the pun was intended) of aches and pains. While everything was numb, I had no pain in my left ear or neck. Now that the Novocaine has worn off, the ache is back. As always, I'll see what tomorrow brings.
Here's the scene, I'm lying in a dental chair, the dental assistant is on my left wielding an air compressor-like device to blow away the bits of old filling that come flying out of my mouth. The dentist is on my right producing an unending array of drills that shriek in a variety of frequencies that fortunately are masked by the air compressor. No frequency, however, is high or loud enough to cover the sound of my cell phone ringing. It's my daughter. I reject the call. She calls again. I quickly tell the dentist what I have to reveal to my daughter. He encourages me to answer. As predicted, she is extremely agitated. I relay the message that she must pick up the stool kit and tell her that I'm in the midst of getting a filling. The line goes dead. The drilling continues. A tear trickles down the side of my face as the dentist apologizes for all the suffering my family and I have had to endure. They couldn't write a scene like this in Hollywood.
On the upside....when the dentist was numbing my lower left jaw, I felt twinges of pain in my left ear. When I told him this, he said some nerves are connected. Maybe it's not an ear infection or the lymphoma that has been causing the achiness on the left side of my neck. Maybe it was the cavity and broken tooth. Supposedly our teeth can be the root (yes, the pun was intended) of aches and pains. While everything was numb, I had no pain in my left ear or neck. Now that the Novocaine has worn off, the ache is back. As always, I'll see what tomorrow brings.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Day 88 -- Full of Crap
Even as I heard myself saying it in class today, I knew I was being a hypocrite. My students are in the midst of their policy debates, all of which have something to do w/ current Native American issues. I got on my soap box after one debate and lectured about changing traditions and that if we stand still, we die. Not exactly what I was harping about yesterday. All that pendulum swinging and moderation.........what was I thinking. I'm the frickin' pendulum.
Day 87 -- Too Much Government
(NOTE: I wrote this on 06 December 2011, but my Internet was down so it didn't get posted until 07 Dec.)
It makes no sense to me. Why do governments feel the need to tell people how to live their lives? State governments are waging war on obesity by taxing high caloric foods. I heard one expert today on Iowa Public Radio suggest that insurance companies should charge a higher premium to obese people just as they do to smokers or people w/ too many DUI's. Supposedly these obese people are costing me money....still haven't sorted out that line of reasoning. If they want to be fat and die an earlier death, then who are we to tell them that's wrong? Obesity could be the great equalizer that gets overpopulation under control.
Nigeria is trying to pass a law that would ban all public displays of homosexuality and make gay marriage illegal. All this in an attempt to reduce the number of people w/ HIV/AIDS b/c Nigeria has the second highest percentage of the African population w/ this disease. I guess that government doesn’t care that 80% of those infected are heterosexual. How can a government tell a person who to love and how to feel and w/ whom to have sex? We are a world of reactionaries that force the pendulum to swing to its complete counterpart and think this will solve the problem. All that happens is that the pendulum will come back w/ equal force to the other side, and w/ each swing it loses strength and momentum until ultimately it comes to rest in the center. When the pendulum rests at its center it wastes no energy. Its moderate stance allows it to remain in balance. Moderates are accused of having no opinions, no backbone. Yet eating in moderation and balance promotes health. Sex is exercise. Exercise releases endorphins. Endorphins make people happy. Sex makes people happy. What can be wrong w/ that? Swinging the pendulum to complete denial of certain foods or of sex only lasts so long and then the person swings to the other side and gorges on every decadence that had been previously abstained. Moderation is tolerance. Tolerance is moderate. Why can’t we learn to tolerate, moderate, and accept each other as we are? Why must governments define who we are?
My daughters and I want to get matching tattoos in honor of my mother. The tats will all be a sprinkling can, which she collected, and the handle will be in the shape of a support ribbon. We’ll each have a different colored handle and flowers on the can to represent her cancers, my cancers, and my older daughter’s Crohn’s Disease. My younger daughter is 15, and in the state of Iowa (in which I reside) and the state of Minnesota, it is illegal for anyone under the age of 18 to get a tattoo even w/ parental consent. These state governments are telling me as a parent what is best for my children. The state in which I was born and have lived most of my life, in which I have been educated, worked, and paid taxes finds me incapable of acting in the best interest of my children.
Governments have too much control, too much power. My government is supposed to be “of the people, by the people, for the people.” This person says, “Back off.”
It makes no sense to me. Why do governments feel the need to tell people how to live their lives? State governments are waging war on obesity by taxing high caloric foods. I heard one expert today on Iowa Public Radio suggest that insurance companies should charge a higher premium to obese people just as they do to smokers or people w/ too many DUI's. Supposedly these obese people are costing me money....still haven't sorted out that line of reasoning. If they want to be fat and die an earlier death, then who are we to tell them that's wrong? Obesity could be the great equalizer that gets overpopulation under control.
Nigeria is trying to pass a law that would ban all public displays of homosexuality and make gay marriage illegal. All this in an attempt to reduce the number of people w/ HIV/AIDS b/c Nigeria has the second highest percentage of the African population w/ this disease. I guess that government doesn’t care that 80% of those infected are heterosexual. How can a government tell a person who to love and how to feel and w/ whom to have sex? We are a world of reactionaries that force the pendulum to swing to its complete counterpart and think this will solve the problem. All that happens is that the pendulum will come back w/ equal force to the other side, and w/ each swing it loses strength and momentum until ultimately it comes to rest in the center. When the pendulum rests at its center it wastes no energy. Its moderate stance allows it to remain in balance. Moderates are accused of having no opinions, no backbone. Yet eating in moderation and balance promotes health. Sex is exercise. Exercise releases endorphins. Endorphins make people happy. Sex makes people happy. What can be wrong w/ that? Swinging the pendulum to complete denial of certain foods or of sex only lasts so long and then the person swings to the other side and gorges on every decadence that had been previously abstained. Moderation is tolerance. Tolerance is moderate. Why can’t we learn to tolerate, moderate, and accept each other as we are? Why must governments define who we are?
My daughters and I want to get matching tattoos in honor of my mother. The tats will all be a sprinkling can, which she collected, and the handle will be in the shape of a support ribbon. We’ll each have a different colored handle and flowers on the can to represent her cancers, my cancers, and my older daughter’s Crohn’s Disease. My younger daughter is 15, and in the state of Iowa (in which I reside) and the state of Minnesota, it is illegal for anyone under the age of 18 to get a tattoo even w/ parental consent. These state governments are telling me as a parent what is best for my children. The state in which I was born and have lived most of my life, in which I have been educated, worked, and paid taxes finds me incapable of acting in the best interest of my children.
Governments have too much control, too much power. My government is supposed to be “of the people, by the people, for the people.” This person says, “Back off.”
Monday, December 5, 2011
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Day 85 -- Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. The four inches of snow we got yesterday has put me in the Christmas spirit. I started my day off w/ an hour-and-a-half of removing snow from my driveways, sidewalks, and the sidewalks for three of my neighbors. Once the snow blower gets going, it just doesn't know how and where to stop. My younger daughter's Christmas concert was this afternoon......she's so talented........she had a flute solo......I'm so proud. She has certainly blossomed during her sophomore year. I swear I just blinked, and she became a woman.
After the concert, I picked up a Christmas tree. This is the first year I've done it by myself.....my daughters said they care more about the decorating of it than the choosing of it. While getting the tree ready to put in the stand, I had to trim off some of the lower branches and cut off about three inches of the trunk. I'm very accustomed to using a bow saw, but I can tell that I've lost some upper body strength. I think this has more to do w/ being 47 than the lymphoma. I got the sawing done, but I had to dig deep. I remember this asshole of a teacher that I taught w/ at Urbandale High School. He said that women could never play football b/c we didn't have the stamina to keep pushing even when we had nothing left. I wish I would've had the courage then to tell him that he had no idea what it's like to keep pushing when you have nothing left until you've given birth. That's how I felt tonight cutting through that tree trunk. And when that three-inch piece hit the ground, I felt like I'd pushed out a baby, yet I still found the strength to lift it into the stand and carry it into the garage. Stamina, my ass.
My house is a mess right now as I'm cleaning and taking down all the things that will be replaced w/ Christmas decorations. This is the icky stage, but Mom always said that you have to make a mess to clear a mess. At this rate, my house should look gorgeous.....in about three days.
After the concert, I picked up a Christmas tree. This is the first year I've done it by myself.....my daughters said they care more about the decorating of it than the choosing of it. While getting the tree ready to put in the stand, I had to trim off some of the lower branches and cut off about three inches of the trunk. I'm very accustomed to using a bow saw, but I can tell that I've lost some upper body strength. I think this has more to do w/ being 47 than the lymphoma. I got the sawing done, but I had to dig deep. I remember this asshole of a teacher that I taught w/ at Urbandale High School. He said that women could never play football b/c we didn't have the stamina to keep pushing even when we had nothing left. I wish I would've had the courage then to tell him that he had no idea what it's like to keep pushing when you have nothing left until you've given birth. That's how I felt tonight cutting through that tree trunk. And when that three-inch piece hit the ground, I felt like I'd pushed out a baby, yet I still found the strength to lift it into the stand and carry it into the garage. Stamina, my ass.
My house is a mess right now as I'm cleaning and taking down all the things that will be replaced w/ Christmas decorations. This is the icky stage, but Mom always said that you have to make a mess to clear a mess. At this rate, my house should look gorgeous.....in about three days.
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Day 84 -- Snow Globe Patriot
I felt like I was in the midst of a snow globe tonight while walking the dog and staring up at the street lights. Like someone had shaken my world and then dropped me in the middle of it. How can snowflakes space themselves so perfectly. They're all exactly the same distance from each other. They don't come down in clumps, just single flakes equidistance. The first snowfall is always beautiful.....light, airy, silent. I'll be singing a different tune in February when it's the 71st snowfall.
I slept very, very well last night thanks to the brownies and a couple of gin and tonics. I had no aches and pains, and b/c I was well-rested, I got a lot of work done around the house. I just don't understand why this country feels it necessary to vilify a substance that can promote sleep, appetite, and happiness while lessening aches and pains. Instead we legalize substances that promote cancer and cirrhosis. Sure makes me proud to be an American.......NOT.
I slept very, very well last night thanks to the brownies and a couple of gin and tonics. I had no aches and pains, and b/c I was well-rested, I got a lot of work done around the house. I just don't understand why this country feels it necessary to vilify a substance that can promote sleep, appetite, and happiness while lessening aches and pains. Instead we legalize substances that promote cancer and cirrhosis. Sure makes me proud to be an American.......NOT.
Day 83 -- Bluebirds & Brownies
(This post is a day late thanks to those brownies!!)
I saw two bluebirds in my backyard this morning. They were especially welcome since I've been feeling a little blue the past few days, and bluebirds have the mythological connection to happiness, good health, and prosperity (see http://www.absoluteastronomy.com/topics/Bluebird_of_happiness). So w/ them in mind I headed to my friend's house for some of those brownies.
I saw two bluebirds in my backyard this morning. They were especially welcome since I've been feeling a little blue the past few days, and bluebirds have the mythological connection to happiness, good health, and prosperity (see http://www.absoluteastronomy.com/topics/Bluebird_of_happiness). So w/ them in mind I headed to my friend's house for some of those brownies.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Day 82 -- Tuba Christmas
Tuba Christmas makes me smile. There's just something about Jingle Bells played on baritone and bass brass that gets my toes to tappin'. Sharing it w/ my daughter and others at our historic Carnegie Library gets me in the holiday spirit. I wasn't, however, able to be completely mindful of the music while trying to get my daughter to stop texting and be more mindful of the music. "Mom, I'm a teenager," she said. "That's how I listen."
I took a pain pill last night and slept soundly so I'm feeling better. Still a little achy under my left arm. One of our proctors at the college, stopped by my office this afternoon. She just wanted to let me know that she had a friend w/ Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma who lived w/ it for 30 years. She finally died of Alzheimer's. Yesterday my best friend invited me over for her super, special brownies. God certainly knows when to send us angels to lift us up.
I took a pain pill last night and slept soundly so I'm feeling better. Still a little achy under my left arm. One of our proctors at the college, stopped by my office this afternoon. She just wanted to let me know that she had a friend w/ Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma who lived w/ it for 30 years. She finally died of Alzheimer's. Yesterday my best friend invited me over for her super, special brownies. God certainly knows when to send us angels to lift us up.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)