I knew it would happen. I just hoped it wouldn't happen quite so fast. I knew that in the process of waiting for my next CT, I would start to question every ache and pain. My throat is a little sore, and I'm trying to trace the source, wondering if it's the lymph nodes. Several of my students have been out w/ strep throat and tonsillitis so I just have to pump-up my immune system w/ lots of fresh fruits and vegetable. I continue to drink a Danactive every morning as I've done for the last five years. Having some green tea w/ honey as I write this. I just hate second-guessing my body. After the brain aneurysm, I was asked if I worried about headaches. I said, "No, not until you mentioned it." I should've gone to the college volleyball game tonight.....cleaning house gives me too much time to think.
On a more positive note.....I guess..... While modeling an icebreaker speech for my students, I found myself talking freely about my health issues past and present as well as telling them that I'm not afraid to die. I remember Mom said that to me a year or so before she died. All I could do was look dumbfounded at her, kinda like my students looked today when I said the same thing. My students have known about my diagnosis from the first day of the semester, and I've tried to keep my discussions about my health very light and positive. One day when a student gave me a ludicrous answer to a question, I responded jokingly, "You're killing me!" The students looked mortified until I said, "What? Someone w/ cancer can't say things like that?" I'm making it my mission to take some of the fear and taboo out of the "C" word. In convincing them, I'm convincing myself.
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