Day 21 -- Blue Day

I was a little blue today.  It hits me at the oddest times.  I was cleaning up the kitchen with my hands in dish water when the sobbing started.  I know I said I'm not afraid to die, and I still feel that way, but I'm not ready.  This is where the spiritual side of me says, "Everyone has to be ready for God could call each of us home at any time."  But the selfish side of me says, "There's so much more I want to see and do and accomplish."  I know I have a very good chance of living a long life, but I had a few more aches today than usual, and that seems to make me more melancholy.  Although the lymph node on the left side of my neck is significantly smaller, it still aches, and now the lymph nodes in my groin and in my armpits have started hurting.   I just don't understand why they're aching more after four treatments than they did before I ever had any treatments.  I hope this turns out to be like it is when I rearrange the living room furniture.  I have to make a big mess before I get everything back in order.  The aching does seem to lessen when I'm moving, or maybe it's b/c I don't notice them as much.  I do know that playing in the dirt this afternoon and watching my daughter's marching band perform tonight were good medicine. Too much time inside my own head is dangerous.