No chance to be a grouch today. My students were attentive. My dad came to visit. My younger daughter was a smash hit in the fall play. She's been acting, singing, and dancing on stage since she was three, but seeing her tonight at age 15, she's a young woman. And, whether she likes it or not, she looked like me up on that stage. Well, me 32 years ago. And I can still vividly recall being on that stage at age 15 loving it as much as she did tonight.
I've noticed since my diagnosis that I don't look forward as much as I used to. In past years at this time of year, I'd be eagerly looking forward to Thanksgiving and The Holidays. Now, I look forward to what each day has to offer. Yes, cliche, I know. Things are sneaking up on me lately, but I don't care. I made pumpkin bars at 10:30 last night b/c I went to a concert instead. My bathroom needs desperately to be cleaned, and my dad is sleeping in my room.....and I don't care. For those who know me, these are extremely atypical behaviors. I used to freak out if everything wasn't prepared and staged well in advance.
I used to look forward to the changing of the seasons. Now I notice the number of leaves on the tree and on the ground each day and cherish each day that doesn't involve snow. I've always been a forward thinker, forward in the sense that I was always looking toward what the next week, month, and year had in store. I can remember thinking when I was younger that I was a little girl in a big hurry, and I was always pushing myself to the next event. That attitude has helped me accomplish a lot w/ my life, but now I don't want to look forward to anything. I want to look for now.
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