Day 76 -- The Lost Art of Discussion

(NOTE:  I'm staying at my dad's, and he doesn't have Internet so I wrote this entry on the 25th of November and saved it on my laptop intending to post it when I returned home on the 27th.  I'm still at Dad's on the 26th, but the gusty wind must be blowing in the right direction tonight.)

This morning while driving over the 11^th Street bridge on my way from my brother’s to my dad’s, I thought of the homeless man I met yesterday and wondered if he slept under that bridge last night.  After listening to my daughters and brother argue just now, I’m wishing I was under that bridge right now.  My family has never been good at discussing issues.  Discussions become arguments that turn into shouting matches.  It comes from too many people thinking they’re right and not listening to others’ points-of-view.  They feel that by listening, they’re admitting defeat.  Of course, the root of tonight’s discussion-turned-argument is religion.  My younger daughter has strong convictions about her faith, but my older daughter feels she uses those convictions as an excuse to be “holier-than-thou” and thus above the typical rules and reproaches.  My brother then jumps in w/ sweeping generalizations meant to sting rather than advance any discussion.  I just want my children and my family to be unselfish, help others, and accept all people, regardless of race or religion. 

The typical pattern of argument in my family is to offer a jabbing remark and then walk away before anyone has the opportunity for cross examination or rebuttal.  Questions are asked with a tone a condensation, “Do you really think being a Christian is an excuse for everything?”  I’m not taking sides.  I just want all sides to listen.  Having a belief shouldn’t exile you from the group but should make the group stronger b/c you’re willing to state your beliefs.  Why does everyone in a family have to believe the same things?  I have friends w/ a wide variety of values and beliefs.  Why can’t my family?

I don’t need to sleep under a bridge.  My daughters and brother have all stomped off to different parts of the house.  My older daughter has actually left the house.  She’s 18.  I can’t force her to stay and talk this out.  Eleanor Roosevelt’s words are ringing in my ears, “Small minds discuss people. Average minds discuss events. Great minds discuss ideas.”  Just when we’re on the verge of greatness in discussing the ideals of religious beliefs, we revert to smallness by talking about specific actions of certain people.  Religion is about asking questions to get closer to the answers, not assuming you have all the answers so you don’t need to be questioned.